


I’m Here for Your Entertainment

by Helholden



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Comedy, F/M, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-16
Updated: 2013-06-16
Packaged: 2017-12-15 05:07:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/845667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helholden/pseuds/Helholden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For Dezdemona, who said, “Something tells me that Sandor is stuck helping Renly tend to his illegal peach orchard.”</p><p>This is completely AU to events in my Modern AU ‘Her Liquor’s Top Shelf,’ which is way more serious than this. This is just silliness. Total and shameless comedy! Renly being adorable, basically.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I’m Here for Your Entertainment

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Viledest (KyloWren)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KyloWren/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Her Liquor’s Top Shelf](https://archiveofourown.org/works/812921) by [Helholden](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helholden/pseuds/Helholden). 



_* * *_

 

The sun was beating down hot from above, so Renly had made sure to bring one of those big portable umbrellas to set into the frame of his lawn chair as he lounged in it. He was wearing knee length khaki shorts and a Hawaiian t-shirt with red flowers plastered across it. Renly had a cooler off to the right side of his lawn chair, full of ice and drinks, and in his hands right now was an ice cold lemonade that tasted _amazing_ going down because he had spiked it with a little bit of Curaçao liqueur he had brought with him from the nightclub. God, it was heavenly to drink out here in this heat.

 

Renly had even set up a little iPod and speaker set on a small table off to the left side of his lawn chair, and right now it was playing “Maneater” by Daryl Hall and John Oates, and he was bobbing his head to it while sipping on some more of his spiked lemonade. The peach orchard looked beautiful this time of year. After all, it was in the middle of summer and everything was in bloom. Ahead of him, each and every row of the peach trees was full with bright green leaves and perfect little red-flushed yellow peaches hanging on each branch.

 

Adjusting his sunglasses, Renly noticed Sandor had suddenly stopped working, wiping his arm across his forehead. There was a huge wooden bucket beside Sandor on the ground, which he was using for putting the peaches into after he had picked them. Renly narrowed his eyes. He didn’t remember telling Sandor he could _stop_ picking his peaches. Sandor owed him, and Renly had a lot of peaches he needed to be picked.

 

“Keep moving!” Renly shouted across the distance to Sandor, and Sandor turned around to glare at Renly. The bigger man growled in response, but otherwise said nothing, and resumed working but with much more agitated movements this time. Still, that was good enough for Renly, who smiled and went back to bobbing his head and sipping on his lemonade, which was starting to go to his head.

 

The only downside to Renly’s peach orchard was that it was located in a non-sanctioned zoning area, which meant it was totally illegal for him to have it here, but so far no one knew about it, so it was okay. Renly kept his peach orchard under wraps. Well, Loras knew where it was, of course, and Sandor since he was here now, but that was aside from the point. Officer Jaime fucking Lannister didn’t know about it, and that made Renly bob his head with a little bit more enthusiasm.

 

“Hey, Sandor!” Renly called out. “If you’re hot, you can take your shirt off!”

 

“Fuck you!” Sandor called back.

 

“I don’t think Loras would appreciate it!” Renly responded, and then he laughed at his own little joke.

 

Sandor didn’t respond, just kept picking peaches, and then Renly heard a voice come from behind him.

 

“I wouldn’t appreciate what?” Loras asked, and Renly whipped his head around, eyes widening at the sight of Loras here.

 

“Babe,” Renly said, shaking away his shock, “what are you doing here?”

 

Loras narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips, looking up at the peach orchard ahead of them and frowning at the sight of Sandor working in it. “What are _you_ doing, Renly?” Loras asked in return. “Why is Sandor picking peaches?”

 

“Because he _owes_ me,” Renly said petulantly.

 

Loras raised his eyebrows. “So, you’re making him pick peaches?” he asked slowly.

 

“Well, _somebody’s_ got to pick them,” Renly said. “My orchard can’t pick itself, you know.”

 

Loras nodded his head and crossed his arms over his chest. “Sometimes, Renly, you really let this whole power thing go to your head.”

 

“No, I don’t,” Renly protested, but his voice was soft and slightly guilty.

 

“Yes, you do,” Loras corrected him, and he came around the chair to pat Renly on the shoulder. He leaned over to speak into Renly’s ear, sending little tingles through Renly’s shoulders. “You have a seasoned criminal picking peaches for you. If that’s not a wild abuse of power, I don’t know what is.” Loras leaned in to kiss Renly on the side of his forehead. “You really need to let up, babe. This is kind of silly.”

 

“Can he at least finish the row he’s on?” Renly asked softly, turning to look at Loras with puppy dog eyes.

 

Loras rolled his eyes. “God, next thing you know, you’ll be asking if Sansa will come help him pick them.”

 

“Ooh, will she?”

 

Loras popped Renly against the back of the head with a gentle hand.

 

“Ow!” Renly said. “What was that for?”

 

“Sansa is not picking your peaches for you, too, Renly,” Loras said firmly.

 

“Spoil my fun,” Renly told him, crossing his arms over his chest but still managing to hold his drink in one hand. “He’s staying until he at _least_ finishes this row, and then he can go home.”

 

“Fine, whatever,” Loras said. “I’ll be home!” he called out as he started walking away, but all of a sudden, Renly heard a new voice shout out from somewhere behind him.

 

“What is the _meaning_ of this!?”

 

Renly’s eyes went wide, and he whipped his head around to see his brother Stannis standing there on the ground of _his_ peach orchard, glaring at it like he wanted to burn it all to the ground. Loras had frozen in place, staring in shock at Stannis as well.

 

“Fucking hell!” Renly exclaimed. “What the hell are _you_ doing here?”

 

“I followed your nancy boyfriend here!” Stannis ground out, and then he pointed threateningly at the rows of peach trees. “This is _illegal_ ,” Stannis told him angrily. “You have this peach orchard on non-sanctioned zoning land, Renly! I ought to report you and your peaches!”

 

“You’re just jealous because people love me and not you,” Renly said, tilting his sunglasses down on the bridge of his nose.

 

“Because you give them _free_ peaches!”

 

“Well, maybe if you had a peach orchard, then people might love you too, you uptight wanker,” Renly shot back. “Loras, escort him out of here.”

 

“I’m off-duty . . . ” Loras said slowly, looking a little scared at the idea of escorting Renly’s brother off the premises.

 

“I don’t care,” Renly said in a flippant voice, waving his hand. “Escort him out of here!”

 

Loras rolled his eyes, but he escorted Stannis off the premises. All the while, Stannis kept shouting about how illegal it was and how nobody loved him, _blah blah blah_. Gosh, with the way he talked, no wonder people didn’t love him. Stannis was absolutely unbearable. Renly went back to sipping on his lemonade, watching Sandor pick his peaches, and bobbing his head to a new song that started playing on his iPod. This time, it was “Caribbean Queen” by Billy Ocean.

 

“You can go home as soon as you finish this row!” Renly hollered out to Sandor, and Sandor stopped long enough to look at Renly and give him the finger before returning back to work.

 

“Gosh, he’s such a pleasant fellow,” Renly said to himself, rolling his eyes, but he was already sipping on his spiked lemonade again, and he was going to enjoy his lounging time until Sandor was finished picking his damn peaches.


End file.
